✨OFFICIAL HOA COMPLAINT REBUTTAL✨

From the desk of Loretta Mae “Don’t Tell Me What to Do” McGillicutty

July 2025
Addressed to: The Petty Parliament of Azalea Creek Homeowners Association

RE: Violation #47B—“Unapproved Yard Decor and Aggressive Flamingo Placement”

To Whom It May Mildly Concern,

First of all, bless your hearts for taking time out of your busy lives spent measuring grass blades and counting solar lights to pen this little love letter. I’m tickled. Truly.

Now, regarding the so-called “violation”:

1. My Flamingos Are Historic Artifacts.
   Phyllis and Phyllis Jr. (the flamingos in question) have been with me longer than my third marriage and held up better in hurricanes. They are pink, proud, and—unlike some people on this board—bring joy to the neighborhood.

2. The Inflatable Eagle Was a Memorial.
   The 12-foot inflatable bald eagle (code name: Freedomzilla) was erected in honor of my Uncle Boone, who once drove a fire truck into a Taco Bell drive-thru and declared it the “Fourth of July in February.” Y’all could use more patriotism and less passive aggression.

3. Wind Chimes Are Protected Speech.
   My wind chimes are tuned to the key of Grit. If they’re “too loud,” maybe the real issue is your soul’s been too quiet for too long.

4. My Grass Is Wild. Like My Spirit.
   Nature don’t trim itself with a ruler, and neither do I.

Attached, please find a Polaroid of me standing next to said decorations, holding a cup of sweet tea and offering the universal hand gesture for “file this under Nope.” 🖕

Also included: a notarized letter from my cousin Darla, who is a certified spiritual lawn consultant, confirming that my front yard is, in fact, a “zone of aesthetic rebellion and emotional healing.”

In closing: I shall not be moved, fined, or mulched into compliance. If that’s a problem, I suggest a bake sale, a prayer circle, or a hobby.

Sincerely unbothered,
Loretta Mae McGillicutty
Founder, BADGMA
Unlicensed Therapist to Stray Cats
& Reigning Queen of Lot #668